11/3/2011 There's Always Tomorrow....

I thought radiation would be a breeze.  I thought “It doesn’t matter. It’s a piece of cake!”  Once again, I am taught that I don’t know everything and cannot predict everything either.

Radiation is a CONSTANT DAILY REMINDER of what I was diagnosed with 8 months ago.  It is a DAILY DRUDGERY of what I’ve had to go through, what I’ve missed, what I’m fighting, what EVERY WOMAN I go through this with is BATTLING. In the radiation waiting room:  I see them cry, I hear their stories, I see their fears…but I also help celebrate THEIR LAST DAY.  Of course, I am envious of them, but know my countdown is in action as well.  When Friday comes, I’ll be ALMOST halfway through.  Next week another woman will be done.  What do we do when we’re done?  We’ve been living, breathing, and eating this for MONTHS!  What do we do when it’s over?  Cry some more?

I still have residual chemo side effects (itching, swelling, moon face…) and don’t feel myself yet.  Will these all go away when radiation is over?  Will my body FINALLY PURGE those damned steroids!??!?!  Will I recognize myself next year?  Will my hair come back red again?  Yes, LOTS of questions that I have to await answers for.

As Clarice the Reindeer sings every year, http://www.xmasfun.com/Lyrics.asp?ID=66:

 There's always tomorrow,

                                     For dreams to come true,
                                    Believe in your dreams
                                    Come what may.

There's always tomorrow,

                                    With so much to do,
                                    And so little time in a day.

We all pretend

                                    The rainbow has an end
                                    And you'll be there my friend someday.

There's always tomorrow,

                                    For dreams to come true,
                                    Tomorrow is not far away.