5/25/2011 No way to sugar coat it…

No way to sugar coat it…

Turns out I have microscopic clusters (3 clusters < 2mm called N1) of cancer cells in ONE of the 2 nodes taken in surgery 5/16. 

So, VERY heartbroken to say….I will miss my hair after July.  I guess the good news is, everything else was negative and I will only get 4 doses of Chemo (2-drug regiment) spread over 12 weeks.  Then I’ll go for the radiation as originally planned. 

Can’t wait for Ireland!!!!

So…How do I feel?  Nothing positive at first, of course.  Chemo?  Who wants that?  Losing my most precious hair?!?!?  I’m more upset over THAT than the breast cancer!!!  So, now I will see about making a wig from my hair and maybe Kurt will give me some of his.  Of course, he’s taking it harder than I am.

5/16 & 5/17/11 Surgery & the day after

5/16/2011

Of course, the surgery was a success today and I am home being nursed and cared for by my two men.
The node biopsies came back negative!  Now we await the tissue margin results, etc.
Thanks to ALL for your prayers and love – it HELPS!!!!

5/17/2011

Well, as I knew….the surgery went very well!!!  No more ILC’s, nodes came back NEGATIVE, Percocet’s help with the pain, and my two men are nursing me back to health.  Nancy, as always, is the greatest of friends – she visited today and brought me flowers in a smile vase!!!

Chris has got to be the best husband any woman can have.  He is truly a gem – he’s my best friend, caregiver, anticipator (of me & my actions)…he keeps me safe and secure, loved and on track.

5/13/11 FRIDAY THE 13th!!!

Today is Friday the 13^th.  Most people don’t like it, but Maureen & I had a special celebratory deal on these dates – scary movie marathon!!!  So, true to our tradition I sit here alone, watching scary (well, not so much so) movies.  I think of how her death could have been prevented had she taken better care of not only herself, but of her annual doctor visits.  If I hadn’t had annual mammograms and for whatever reason decided to have the technician clamp down hard on my breast…who knows where I’d be in a year?  Probably getting a bi-lateral partial or full mastectomy!  I thank God that I will survive this because of the knowledge and optimism I’ve been blessed with.

4/26/11 -- Who knew before "The Email"

Before the 4/29 email, VERY FEW people knew about my ILC.  It didn’t make sense to me to tell anyone till I KNEW what I had, what was coming, what answers I would need to tell everyone.  I had learned from my neighbors who are going through the chemo/radiation thing as well, that once everyone knows, everyone ASKS.  I think it got quite tiring for them to keep repeating themselves, which is why I composed my 4/29/11 email. 

Poor Mike S. He was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer that metastasized on his lower spine (yeah tumor that practically crippled him) right after his 60^th birthday.  He is inspirational – BOTH he and his wonderful wife & friend, Peggy.  I’ve been close with them on the ride through it and now they are with me (even though Mike is nowhere near done with HIS treatments).  Like I said…they are beautiful people and great friends.

So, it took a couple weeks to gather my info and try to keep my secret.  Who knew at this point?  Nancy was first (as outlined in the 4/29 email), because Kurt was in school & Chris was away on business.  Next was Breda (my friend & Mother-in-Law)because she was my closest Mother distance-wise, friend, and cool-headed person who could help. When Kurt got home from school he KNEW something was up.  So, he found out next.  Poor kid.  He's taking it like a trooper!

I didn’t want to tell family because my beloved sister, Maureen, had just died less than 4 months ago.  She was only 51 and it was sudden & a shocker.  So, How traumatic and horrid would it be to find out another daughter/sister/cousin/niece was diagnosed with Breast Cancer?!?!?  Pretty much so, I figured. 

So, I thought I would at least keep it from my own Mother for a few more days, but…

       Mom’s and their children.  I can say this now, but I knew it before because of my       own Mother. Mom’s have a SPECIAL radar and connection to their offspring.  We know when one is in trouble.  While I was home on the couch, wallowing in pain & tears from the biopsy, my Mom called.  I wasn’t going to answer, but I figured I could “act well” on the phone.  It started off simple, then, “What’s wrong?  What happened?”  That’s all it took for Niagara Falls to happen again. She stayed calm & full of support & “don’t worry – yet” advice.  I made her promise not to tell anyone till I had more answers.  She promised, but I knew in the back of my head she’d tell my oldest sister, Kathy, whom I was thinking of calling soon anyway. :)

4/30/2011 Things I learned from this so far...Things I’ve always known, and help me to this day

Things I learned from this so far:

• When getting a mammo, sometimes it’s VERY good to have the technician clamp down hard like a pancake (as I loathe to say).  If I hadn’t asked her to do that, they would never had caught this!!  It was because of this that they saw the ILC this early.  ILC is normally not seen until it’s >2cm – Stage 2 cancer. As the saying goes, no pain-no gain.
• When you get medical news like this and begin to research on the internet, go to an official site (I went to the breastcancer.org one) to get info.  Look around for an hour then STOP.  Too much info & info of the unknown will start to scare you, especially when you don’t have all YOUR test info back.
• Although my cancer is not genetic, anyone can get it.  It is most likely caused by too much Estrogen in my system during peri-menopause years (a new find in medical research).  How’d I get that?  Possible/Probable causes of increased estrogen:  SOY contains high estrogen levels (as do a few other foods, vitamins, medicines, birth control, etc.) and estrogen is stored in fat cells.  Yes, tell all women over 35 to LOSE THE WEIGHT!!!!  I began losing weight in 2010 – 20 lbs – but it was too late.  I will CONTINUE to LOSE because I don’t want any more scares!!  DEFINITELY SHARE THIS INFO WITH WOMEN YOU KNOW!!!

Things I’ve always known, and help me to this day:

• SUPPORT!!!  No, not the binding bra they had me in, but FAMILY & FRIENDS!  I’ve made it rule in my life to accept help when needed and offered AND to ASK for it when needed!!!  No one should go through life alone thinking they are alone.  None of us are!
• SMILE!!! I smile a lot because it makes me and others feel good – POSITIVE vibes sent out are received back en masse!! Keep on, keeping on!

Love, Reggie